


To Make you Feel My Love

by WhitlockMusket



Category: White Collar
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Male Slash, Peter Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 10:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7613932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhitlockMusket/pseuds/WhitlockMusket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set season 1 x 14: Out of the Box: Peter wrestles with his feelings for Neal and the clock, as he tries to stop him from running.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Make you Feel My Love

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new to the White Collar community (and have only reached the end of season 4 so far).
> 
> I don’t own any of the fine characters of White Collar. This fic was inspired while listening to the song 'To Make you Feel my Love', covered by many people but I believe originally written by Bob Dylan. The version that plays in my head though is by the great Billy Joel.

This day started much like any other for Agent Peter Burke. He opened his closet, selecting a clean pressed, white dress shirt from a hanger, and choosing an accompanying navy tie from its drawer before dressing in a grey, wool suit. He placed a kiss on his still sleeping wife’s forehead before heading out the door for his office. 

Nothing in his morning routine suggested that this would be the beginning of the 48 hours that would change his life, one way or the other. He grabbed a cup of mediocre coffee from the office and met with his team. Cruz made some joke at Jones’ expense, which he played off with a shake of his head.  
Neal arrived late, explaining how he solved the latest case he was involved in, with an accompanying coffee display and all. The first indication he had that anything was off was when Neal asked to leave for June’s ‘Champagne brunch’. Peter couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was, but he knew something just wasn’t right. He still would never have guessed the way it would all play out.

Even though Peter spent the coming hours looking into what Neal was up to, and he was certain that it had to do with Kate, there was nothing he could do. Fowler took him out of the picture and he could do nothing but wait on the sidelines as Neal worked to get the music box and hope he actually decided to stick to the plan to help take down Fowler with it.

***

Elizabeth sat on the couch with a glass of wine alternating between catching up on the latest episode of the Bachelor and looking over some work photos at commercial. Her husband sat at the other end, bent over a stack of files. He was clearly having trouble concentrating as he had been up and down more than a toddler with a short attention span. Though he was sitting now, his foot anxiously tapped the ground to the point she could feel the vibrations in the couch. As the bachelor was about to give out his last rose, Elizabeth jumped up as her glass of wine spilled across the table, catching the edge of her pile of photos. Peter’s tapping foot had tapped a bit too hard, catching the leg of the table, causing a rippled effect. 

Peter too jumped up, immediately feeling guilty and wanting to help. Elizabeth had already grabbed the photographs, but he picked up the fallen glass. “El, I’m sorry. Let me get this” Instead of responding, she just held up a frustrated hand, which Peter knew well enough to leave be. She returned with her dry photographs by the time Peter had cleaned up the mess.

“Why don’t you just go check on him?” Elizabeth asked as she poured herself another glass of wine.

“Who?” Peter asked.

“Come on Peter,” Elizabeth replied. “We both know you’re sitting her thinking about Neal and what he’s going to do once he gets that music box. So why don’t you just go over there?”

“No, no hun. I’m sorry, I will work at the table and give you some space.”

“It wasn’t really a suggestion,” Elizabeth said with a smile as she gently patted his cheek. “You’re driving me crazy here.”

***

An hour later, Peter still had his foot tapping, but this time he was seated on Neal’s couch. He knew the plan should be wrapping up soon and so he rang and June let him in. He had already checked in with Diana and everything was good on their end. There was really nothing he could do but wait.

Not too much later, Peter heard the turning of the door handle and he jumped up, doing his best to look casual. It didn’t take him long to notice that Neal was returning empty handed. Neal explained that this was on account of Alex taking the music box at the last minute, but Peter’s gut told him something else was going on.

Neal sat down on the couch, running a frustrated hand through his dark hair. His body language was closed, and suggested he wasn’t really inviting a further discussion. Peter noticed this, but sat down next to his ward nevertheless. When Neal still didn’t open up, Peter laid a casual hand on Neal’s knee, causing him to look up and give Peter his attention. Neal didn’t fail to notice that after he had his attention, Peter didn’t move his hand.

“We’re still on the same side of this, right Caffrey?” 

Neal stood up, removing Peter’s hand in one swift movement, seemingly angry at the accusation. “I thought we decided I could start making my own decisions, Peter.” 

Neal was right, he could make his own choices. But after years of making understanding Neal his first priority, he knew that Neal wasn’t angry because he was hurt Peter didn’t trust him. Neal was angry because he was warring with himself.

There was nothing he could do but trust Neal and continue to work on his part of the plan. So with that he stood and quickly patted Neal’s shoulder with a cupped hand before heading to the door. He looked back, trust and hope shining in his eyes.

***

The next afternoon, Peter and Diana were narrowing Fowler’s trail. They were close, and Peter knew they would have him before the day was done.  
He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he looked down to see it was his wife. He would never purposely ignore her calls, so he stepped into his office and answered it, prepared to cut it short. 

“Hi hun, I can’t really talk right now. We’re on to something big. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine with me. But I’m actually calling about Neal.”

“Huh?” Peter’s confusion was evident in his voice. All ideas of cutting the conversation short had now escaped his mind. 

“Neal called me- well, he sent me a cell phone in some flowers and had his number programmed into it, so I guess technically I called him-“

“El, what are you talking about?” Peter didn’t want to cut her off, but he knew something was up and his patience was wearing thin.

“He set me up with a really good client, to make up for Fowler coming into my work and arresting me. But that’s not why I called. It felt like he was saying goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” Peter questioned. Though he’s not sure why, he knew he could trust El’s instincts. They would rival his gut any day.

“Yeah, for good. But that’s not all. He asked me how I knew you and I were right for each other.”

Peter paused before answering, his stomach churning with fear or anticipation- he wasn’t sure. “And what did you say?”

“Well, I told him I think it comes down to whether you’re in love with someone, or the idea or that someone.”

Peter and Elizabeth both took a breath. To anyone listening, it would appear El was describing the moment she knew she was in love with Peter. But they both knew better. She described an unspoken truth that neither had wanted to admit until now. 

Elizabeth was the first to speak. “I think it’s time you ask yourself that question.”

“El…”

“No, Peter. It’s okay. We both know the answer. And while I know we both love the idea of us…”

“El..”

“Please, I don’t want to miss your chance. Go, I’m not mad. I promise, we’ll talk later.”

Before he could say another word, Elizabeth had hung up the phone. She was right. She was his confidant; the friend he could tell anything to. He loved the idea of their life. But they weren’t in love with each other anymore. They both knew it was true. But how could she know what he felt for Neal, when he barely understood it himself. 

He was in love with Neal. He said the words out loud, “I’m in love with Neal”, savouring the way they tasted, sounded. This is the first time he allowed himself to admit the truth. But if he was being honest with himself he had known for some time. 

When had he figured it out?

Was it when then had been in that air-tight room, both under cover. He knew that any breath could be their last, and as Neal tried to get them out, he only tried to get closed to Neal.

Had it been when Neal was the suspect in a case and he looked at Peter with so much emotion in his eyes as he pleaded “I didn’t let you down, Peter.”

Or maybe it was earlier still, when he sat in another CI’s apartment with his young daughter playing cards. He tried to explain to her that he wasn’t worried about Neal. He only hoped Neal was okay so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the paperwork. They both knew he was lying.

Somewhere between chaser, and warden, between birthday cards that he began to eagerly await, between case talk that turned into late night talks over too many drinks, between touches which started causally, his charge became his best friend, and then more. The highlight of his day was the banter they shared. He lived to see that sly smirk that rose on Neal’s face when he thought he was winning.

There was a gentle knock on the door that stirred him from his deep thoughts. It was Diana. “Boss we’ve got him, we’ve got Fowler.”

***

Peter ran as fast as he could. He had hopped out of the cab when traffic had gotten too thick. 

As soon as Fowler told him the plan and which airstrip, he was out of the parking lot without another word to Diana or Fowler. He had to get to Neal.

He arrived just in time to see the back of Neal’s back as he approached a small plane. Kate was in the window and he could see the anger in her eyes when she saw his approach. 

“Neal.” Peter wasn’t sure how he was able to get any words out as he was so out of breath.

Neal turned and Peter felt a flash of hope as he saw those blue eyes light up briefly, before he tried to play it cool. “What are you doing here Peter.”

“I’m just here as a friend. I’m still a civilian, remember.” Peter was worried Neal thought he was here just to bring him in, but he soon realized that’s not what Neal was asking. “You said goodbye to everyone but me. Why?”

Neal shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Peter wasn’t buying that for a second. “Yes you do, come on just say it.”

Neal looked to the plane and to the woman sitting in it, then back at Peter. “You’re the only one that could change my mind.”

Peter felt hopeful again as he saw the smile in Neal’s eyes. With a quick breath in he asked, “did I?”

Without a word, Neal turned and walked toward the plane and Peter felt his stomach drop. He had told himself that if he laid it on the line, if Neal could know what he meant to him, he’d stay. He had just admitted his feelings and now Neal would be out of his life forever. Peter knew he wouldn’t look for him again. He couldn’t send him back to prison now. If this was what Neal wanted, then he would have to accept it.

He tried to steady himself and leave, but he was glued to the spot, watching the object of his affection slip through his fingers.

Suddenly Neal turned and looked at Peter with such expression in his eyes that his own grew wide. “Peter…”

Peter couldn’t believe that Neal really turned around. He didn’t say anything more than his name, but it was enough for both men to stand in silent hope.

It was silent for so long that Peter worried that Neal would turn at any second. Peter could see Kate watching anxiously from the plane, but he couldn’t find it in himself to give it anymore thought.

There was something flickering in Neal’s eyes that gave Peter the strength he needed. Was it hope? Faith? No, it was love.

In one swift movement, Peter closed the feet between the two men, and before he could give it any further thought he pressed his lips against Neal’s. It was soft, slow, but pleading. Peter restrained himself from expressing the need and passion that were warring within him as his tongue strained behind his closed teeth. But he couldn’t stop his hands from finding his way into Neal’s hair.

For the first few seconds, Neal’s lips remained still; soft and willing, but still. Peter was ecstatic when he felt the other set of lips move gently against his own. But it was only briefly, and as they stilled again Peter pulled back, untangling his hands from the hair of the man he stood in front of everyday- but was only really seeing for the first time.

His heart dropped in his chest as Neal looked back towards the plane behind him. Surely he was going to run to Kate. Peter internally scolded himself for letting himself get caught up in the look in Neal’s eyes that asked him to make him stay. Maybe he was just looking for what he wanted to see.

Kate was standing in the door, sharp eyes- daggers aimed at Neal. There was an unspoken threat in them, calling him to come to her. Now. 

Peter steadied himself and placed a gentle hand on Neal’s shoulder, causing him to turn his attention back to the agent. “It’s okay Neal. Go ahead if that’s what you want. I just couldn’t let you leave without presenting my strongest argument.” He cupped Neal’s shoulder quickly and gave him a half smile before turning and slowly walking in the direction he came. 

Peter sighed as he heard the door to the plane move and continue its closure. This is how it was supposed to be. Neal wasn’t meant to be confined. He knew he couldn’t compete with the idea of freedom, or Kate-the two ideals he had been chasing for years, pursing as hard as Peter had Neal.

As the engines of the plane revved Peter couldn’t help but think about how everything in his world had changed in a matter of days, and there would be no going back. At least something had come from all this. He was awakened.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a firm hand on his shoulder, forcibly turning him around. Instincts kicked in and he reached down toward his holster as he was physically turned 180 degrees. His hand fell immediately to his side as he saw his ward and his friend standing in front of him. He couldn’t believe Neal had the physical strength to move him. He didn’t have time to give it any further thought as Neal’s lips pressed hungrily against his own. They moved with such passion and fervor that this time it was Peter who stood motionless, hands at his sides-completely stunned. Neal’s hands were on either side of Peter’s face as he expressed everything that had remained unsaid into this kiss. 

Peter happily returned that passion, parting his lips and allowing Neal’s tongue entry. Neal didn’t hesitate at all, allowing his tongue to dart in and run gently along Peter’s teeth before becoming entwined with his own tongue. Peter responded by wrapping his arms around the smaller man, drawing thme even closer if that was possible. 

As they broke away from each other, both breathless, there was so much they needed to say. Neal had given up his chance at another life. Peter had a wife at home, even if he knew it was over. Neal was his ward, his responsibility. 

Neal looked at him with those same emotion-filled eyes as he become the one to break the silence, echoing his last words. “Peter…”

And that was enough. Peter draped his arm across Neal’s shoulder and they headed home.


End file.
